I came across an article recently about people facing their so-called “darkest hour.” You have heard it too; the narrative that we are living through the worst times in history. That everything feels broken. That it is all because of what someone else said or what someone else did.
Here is the truth: It is incredibly easy to point fingers. It is even easier to blame the system, your boss, your parents, your children, your partner, or the person who disagreed with you last week. I have been blamed too; cast as the scapegoat or the fall guy more times than I can count. In the future, I guarantee it will happen again. Because I have been there, trust me when I say, I get it.
But this is not about me. And it is not really about whoever you have chosen to blame, either.
It is about ACCOUNTABILITY. Being ACCOUNTABLE to YOURSELF, FIRST.
At some point, we all have to stop, take a breath, and ask ourselves: “What role did I play in getting here?“
We are each responsible for our choices. Our actions create outcomes. Our decisions shape our direction. And when we land in a “darkest hour,” more often than not, we helped turn off the lights ourselves.
That does not mean you are a failure. It means you are human. I am human. You are Human.
The difference between staying in the dark and stepping into the light is ownership.
Because once you own it, you can change it.
So, if you are feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or even hopeless, pause for a moment.
Ask yourself:
What choices brought me here?
What am I avoiding responsibility for?
What can I do differently, starting today?
Your darkest hour does not have to be your final chapter. It can be your turning point.
Take back the pen. Write the next page with accountability, intention, and action.
You do not need permission. You just need to decide. Get to work.
As we venture in our journey of life, there are somethings that happen that are meant to set us free, while others are there to anchor us to the world we live in.
Like a ship that is docked, it has ropes that keep it tied to the pier. That way it does not drift away in the night. When the ship is ready to set sail the lines are cast off and soon, it is on a path to places over the horizon on a course set by the ship’s captain.
The anchor is attached to a chain and when the ship is ready to temporarily stop, it drops anchor. When it is time to move on, hoist the anchor, and soon back on course to places over the horizon. Do you see a pattern there? If not, that’s ok. I am going to explain it anyway.
Ships are built to head to the high seas. Ships are built to withstand rough seas. Ships are built to not only move from point A to point B but are also built to stay afloat, to stay above water. As a Self-Leader you are also built to keep moving. You are NOT built to stay docked at any port for too long. You are also not built to stay anchored anywhere for too long. What does that mean? It means that you are built to continue to grow, to develop, to become better than you are now.
While all this might sound like something I have said over and over before, it is because I have said it over and over. I believe in what I say. I stand by what I say. I have this passion for people to step up and be the leaders they know they can be and are. I stick to my passion because the message I share is that important.
Over the decades I have been on this planet, I have witnessed good and bad. Good things, Bad Things. Good People and Bad People. Though it would be easy to say that I have seen just about all there is to see when it comes to Good and Bad. I promise you I have only seen the tip of the iceberg. Of what I have witnessed, rest assured it still surprises me to the levels of Good and Bad people can and do go to.
That’s ok, I know that as a human being I am capable of going to those extremes. I opt out of that. No one is, no matter how much they try to kid themselves, no one is perfect. I am not perfect. Sure, people can claim they live a pious life but are they really? A pious person would never verbally proclaim their piety for a truly pious person lets their actions and behaviors do all the talking for them.
On the other hand, there are individuals that revel in their unabashed devious behavior. The boasting and bragging of their deceit are certainly not something to be proud of or to be used as a tool to make others fear them. The pious and the deceitful have one thing in common.
They have their chains and ropes tying them down. Tying them down to live the braggadocios life they have chosen to use as a facade to mask their inability to cast off their lines and hoist their anchor to live a life they can freely choose to live. While some may argue that the pious or the deceitful are living the life they choose but at what cost? This argument can quickly become a circular argument thus, I offer this advice or words of warning:
As we venture in our journey of life, while there is no set time to cast off the ropes and hoist your anchor. You will know when the time comes. Only you will know when the time comes to set yourself free, especially when there are others trying to anchor you down or keep you tied to the dock in the name of keeping you safe. The world is not a safe harbor. The world we live in has rough seas as well as smooth swells all of which you are more than capable of handling. Get to work!
This week, I am talking about facing fears and choosing courage.
Recently, my nephew made the jump from amateur to professional MMA Fighter. He had been training for several years and it was time. He knew it was time.
It was the inevitable path to take if he wanted to achieve his goals as a Mixed Martial Arts fighter, a professional Mixed Martial Arts fighter.
However, making the jump from amateur to professional means stepping into a professionally sanctioned match, a professional MMA cage, fighting against another professional fighter. Most certainly his amateur days were over.
He knew going in, he was going to be taking that first professional punch. He also knew he had to take that professional punch to the face. He gave punches and kicks as well as he took punches and kicks. And after 3 rounds he did not get the W.
That’s OK, because in all actuality he did win.
See, in the grand scheme of his MMA career he scored a HUGE W. While his fight record shows he is 0 and 1. His EXPERIENCE record shows him and 1 and 0.
As soon as the fight was over and the referee did not raise his arm in victory, I immediately saw in my nephew’s eyes he was already moving on to the next match. As there was nothing he could do to change the outcome of the match that just concluded.
Now before I go any further, you may be wondering what does this have to do with facing fear?
Folks, it is simple. Who in their right mind willfully steps into a Professional MMA fight knowing they are going to get punched in the face? Who in their right mind goes rushing into a burning building to save lives and put out a fire. Who in their right mind volunteers to join the Military to purposefully to go to the frontlines while everyone else is sitting in the rear with the gear.
Someone who has a LOT of fear but does it anyone because it has to be done. That’s who!
Someone who on any other regular day would be at home with their feet up on the coffee table drinking a cold one and watching the ball game but instead makes a conscious effort to face their fears and chooses courage.
Those are the individuals that have a firm grasp on where they are, where they are going and of course, success is just within reach.
Courage is a HUGE factor in achieving success. However, courage alone is not going to get you or anyone there.
Having the courage and then taking action will get you there. Sure, there are people that claim they face fear and are courageous but truthfully, they are ALL TALK and that is all they got.
They are ALL SHOW AND NO GO!
Those are the people that talk a good game be have absolutely no idea to how to face fear. Sure, they may have done it once or twice in their past but not to the point that it inspires them to try again and again of facing their fears and choosing courage.
Sadly, for those ALL SHOW AND NO-GO KIND OF PEOPLE fear has overcome them, it has overtaken them.
When push comes to shove and doing what they know they must do, they would rather back down and let others do their dirty work for them. They would rather push others into harm’s way without getting their hands dirty.
Yet, they would be quick to take the credit for the success of others and quick to point the finger and blame others for a failure.
So be careful as a leader, and especially be careful as a follower not to fall for those kinds of managers. Those bad managers will bring morale down faster than a lead balloon.
Let us get back to my nephew’s first professional MMA fight.
As the referee did not raise his hand in victory there were a couple of things that I saw as victories, as his victories; he got that first professional punch to the face out of the way. More importantly he gets that first L out of the way.
While the other guy did get his first professional punch to the face out of the way. That other guy now carries the specter of the L on his shoulder. Going forward everyone will be expecting a W including him but that first Loss is weighing heavy as it is only a matter of time.
My nephew walks into the next match without having to carry the idea of he might lose. He already has. He has tasted the L and now the first W will taste even sweeter.
My nephew knew it was not going to be easy going Pro. However, he also knows and lives on the idea and the mindset of that to get to where he wants to be, in his life he must step into something he knew was going to physically hurt him.
My nephew and countless others like him with that same mindset, are a great example of overcoming your fears by choosing courage. So starting facing your fears and choose courage.
