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Things To Give Up To Be A Successful Leader: Stop Complaining

Things to give up to become a successful leader:

STOP COMPLAINING (or at least complain less)


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We can stop complaining or do it a little less. It can be done. We can complain and complain until we are blue in the face, that’s fine complaining is who we are, it is what we do. However, as a leader you cannot go around complaining because those that follow you will question what you do when it comes to complaining. Your followers will start to wonder if you complain about them to others. If you need help to stop complaining here are five tools to help you stop the complaining or at least keep to a minimum.

GO COLD TURKEY
Just stop! Yes, I know it is easier said than done but it can be done. People do it all the time. You have heard of Smokers, Drinkers, and Heroin users going cold turkey. Sure, it is a little difficult at first but they eventually break the habit. You can stop complaining right here, right now. However, you have got to want to change. You have got to want to stop complaining. Now here is a little something I tell people all the time, we are all human and none of us are perfect. We weren’t made perfect. However, the issue is know that you cannot go through life 100% complaint free. I try but it just doesn’t happens. So don’t worry if you slip and fall back into complaining mode. Pick yourself back up and try again. Remember, most alcohol and heroin addicts have to hit rock bottom before they realize they have to stop.

BE RESPONSIBLE
Own your mistakes. The first step to being responsible is self-respect. Begin by thinking highly of yourself and your abilities. All your abilities. Keep people in your life who respect you. Eject the chronic complainers. Let them carry their complaints elsewhere. Gather people in your life that like you and respect you. Remember it is a two-way street you have them around because you respect them. It is a mutual respect.

BE ASSERTIVE
Giving up complaining does not mean allowing yourself to become someone else’s doormat. Assertiveness is the way to tell others what your needs are and how these can be met. However, there will always be individuals who will see assertiveness (no matter how small or how large) as a personal attack.

KEEP MOVING FORWARD
When you keep moving forward you have less time to look back and complain about who did you wrong, who is crazy, who owes you money, who done you wrong, who was wearing what and stuff like that. By constantly moving forward you have less time to worry about others especially those that are the chronic complainers, the ones that live off of other people’s misery, the ones that would rather go make fun of people because it enriches their lives.
Keep moving forward and looking forward and soon you will have those that move forward as a habit and complain little to none all around you. Remember, like-minded people LOVE to travel together. Why do you think the old saying misery loves company is more often true?

BE MINDFUL
Be mindful of others. Some will see that you are not complaining or complaining as much and back off. However here is where the mindfulness kicks in. There are those that will bait you either catching you off guard or slowly reeling you in until <> you are caught and you start complaining.

Complaining is a part of life. It allows us to blow off some steam. It also allows us and opportunity share with others what we really feel however usually away from the people that we are complaining about. As a leader, you have to learn to keep your complaints to yourself. Your followers do not want to know you complain especially in front of them. Then they will start to wonder if you complain about them to others. So stop the complaining or curtail it as much as possible.

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blog Change Decisionmaking Followership Leadership Mentor Motivation Tips Training Walking Leader

Give Up on your Self-Defeating Self-Talk

So you want to be a successful leader. You want to be the one that people follow no questions asked. Hey, who doesn’t want to be that leader? To be that kind of leader there are a few things you have to give up to be a successful leader.

Give Up On Your Self-Defeating Self-Talk.

What is Self-Defeating Self-Talk?

Self-Defeating Self-Talk is that talk we have with ourselves when things are not going the way we want them to go or when others are not doing or behaving the way we want them do or behave. It is that conversation we have with ourselves either with our inside our head voice or that voice that we say at a volume that is just below what the human ear can comprehend. Self-Defeating Self-Talk that is full of words we would hardly dare say to others but have absolutely no problem saying to ourselves. Usually, the self-talk is laden with words like “dummy”, “idiot”, “nitwit”, “dumb donkey”, “poopyhead”, and words like “can’t”, “cannot” “never”, “why bother” and “who do you think you are” will find their way into that conversation.

It is time to stop talking about yourself in the negative.

While you might be doing all the right things, going through the positive motions, and leading people down the path of righteousness. All of that is for naught if you have no problem talking about yourself and to yourself in the negative. However, just like any bad habit you try to keep under cover, eventually you will be caught. Your negative self-talk will be discovered.

People are always listening

No matter what you say, do, or want to believe people are always listening to you. That is one fact you cannot hide from nor avoid. They are listening when you think they are not. They are listening to not just your words but to your action as well. So be very careful with what you say and what you do. When those that follow you see you and hear you being negative. I do not know if it is human nature or not but people cling to negativity harder and longer than they do to positivity. It is as if positivity is garbage that has been in the kitchen waste bin a day or two longer than it should have been. Sure, we have to touch it but just long enough to get rid of it.

On the other hand, negative talk is contagious

Whether we say it aloud or just under our breath, negative talk is still negative talk and it does not take a Rocket Scientist to tell you negative talk is contagious. Once someone else hears that negative talk it is out there. There is no taking it back. Seriously, there is nothing you can do to get it back. Once that Pandora’s Box it is open it is can never be closed with all the negativity that escaped back in the back. However, the work begins to undo the damage done. The same applies to you. You must work at reeling that negativity back in and get it under control. As a leader, you have no choice, you must!

They will believe your negativity but they will start to believe it about themselves

When you fail to reel it back in then others will start to believe the negativity that you have been spewing. Your followers will begin to believe that you might not be the real deal. You might just be someone who lacks the confidence and the ability to lead. Because they follow you, they will also start to doubt their confidence and ability to become the kind of leader they thought you were. That, my friends is NOT a good thing. Your job as a leader is set in stone. You are to help make more leaders! Your jobs is NOT to make others doubt themselves.

Cease the negative talk and thoughts

You have your marching orders. Stop with the negativity, the self-defeating self-talk, NOW! It serves you no purpose to continue and it certain serves those that follow you no purpose. When you stop with the negativity, it gives others the opportunity to begin to believe in you, again. It gives those naysayers and other nothing they can use against you. So many might try but when there is nothing for them to swing at, what then? Exactly!

In the end, those that follow will start to feel good about you and being with you and following you.

 

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#DareToBe Tweet Chat – Session: 061416

On Tuesday, June 14, 2016 the #DareToBe Tweetchat hosted by Andrea Sanchez (@asanchez16) took place on Twitter.
The #DareToBe topic was SELF-DISCOVERY

The following are Andrea’s ten questions and my answers.


Q1: Self-discovery is __________________. #DareToBe
A1. is a journey where you are the journey and the destination #DareToBe

Q2: What are some things people think you do well? #DareToBe
A2. I was told that I can tell a story or two. 😉 #DareToBe

Q3: ________________ is something that challenges me. #DareToBe
A3. Doing things I like is something that challenges me. It has to otherwise why do it! #DareToBe

Q4: Who do you look up to? Explain your answer. #DareToBe
A4. I look up to many people. Each has their own unique perspective. I like perspectives (varied, wide and outside the box) #DareToBe

Q5: I’ve always wanted to _____________. Explain your choice. #DareToBe
A5. I’ve always wanted to climb the highest points in all 50 states. Because they are there. #DareToBe

Q6: What accomplishment have you been most proud of? #DareToBe
A6. my family! It is hard work keeping it all together but we all work hard together and that’s what matters most #DareToBe

Q7: If you could do any job for a day, what would it be? Explain. #DareToBe
A7. something tells me I answered this yesterday… I would like be a trainer. I like to train others to help make them better #DareToBe

Q8: Right now I need ______________ more than anything else. #DareToBe
A8. aside from a Moscow Mule. I need more self-time #DareToBe

Q9: What motivates you? #DareToBe
A9. The need to be better than I was yesterday. It is that motivation that helps me be a better father, spouse, brother, and friend #DareToBe

Q10: What step can you take today to move closer to your ideal life? #DareToBe
A10. As our aspiring author @MaryAnnReilly tweeted putting one foot in front of the other. Act Now! #DareToBe

Q11: Tomorrow I will dare to discover ________________. #DareToBe
A11. Tomorrow I will dare to discover more about me and those around me (even those a tweet message away) #DareToBe


I invite you to join us on Twitter every Tuesday evening at 8PM Eastern / 7PM Central. Look for the #DARETOBE hashtag.