The new year just started and of course it comes loaded with good intentions, resolutions, and lots and lots of hope. That’s all fine and dandy until sometime around the 21st of January when all that goes out the window and reality sets in. Of course, most that just above average, they may hold out until Valentine’s Day or President’s Day. So, for the most part, those resolutions are gone.
But why are those intentions, resolutions and self-promises gone so quickly?
They go away because those that talk a good game are just that. They talk and talk but find themselves lacking in the foundation to actually deliver on that talk. It takes more to make something happen, to make anything happen than it does to just sitting there like a slug and letting the world pass you by.
So, KUDOS to those that know and do what it takes to achieve success. But for everyone else, if you want success, you have got to put in the work.
If people are not putting in the work, then they are not preparing to win, they are prepared to lose. Yes, it is that simple.
Thus, I present to you the following in hopes that you will take what I am sharing and make something good happen. Yet, it is up to you. For those that proclaim they do not need help in preparing for success and yet continue to find themselves making those empty promises, resolutions and what not every new year, how has that been working out for you?
I get you. I understand you. I also do not understand the following: while success is ALWAYS within reach, you refuse to do something about it and never actually grasp what is rightfully yours. Thus, I am sharing with you something that may help you get to where you want to be at the end of 2023.
Here are the 5 things to do mentally and physically do to get yourself ready for the CHANGE that is the new year of 2023.
While many will be giving their two cents on what the new year will bring. I give to you for free one thing that is certain: 2023 will be a year of change yet again.
Let me explain, 2020 became a year of change and adapting to change when the pandemic hit the world.
2021 another year of change when the pandemic refused to go away and so we learned to change and adapt for the long haul.
Then 2022 was no different. 2022 reminded us that while we weathered the storm, change remained abundant and that it was here to stay, as it always has been present.
Now in 2023 and well into the future, change continues and will continue to be with us for the rest of our lives.
So, let’s take the time, now, to get our mind and body right and ready for the new year.
Number 1: Stop with the Game of Words
Stop saying “I will do this” and “I will do that”. Instead, start doing. You are not fooling anyone when it comes saying what you want to do instead of actually doing it.
People say, I want to lose 20 pounds in the new year. So, there you are pounding back two Advil tablets and copious amounts of Diet Pepsi, before you know it you lose the 20 pounds but it comes right back. It comes right back because you don’t know any better.
It comes right back because you are cheating your body and so it kicks into “starvation” mode and before you know it, your body has tricked your mind and soon you are back to downing your daily Cinnamon Dolce Lattes with stuffed pizza or fast-food hamburgers and fries. Then only to soon find yourself back on the steady diet of those two Advil tablets to kill the hunger pangs and the Diet Pepsi to fill your stomach, all in another vain attempt to lose those twenty pounds that you cannot seem to lose.
The point of the story is if you are not prepared to follow through then don’t bother starting especially if you are not being true to yourself. Especially, if that means you are not doing anything to benefit your body and mind. Find a better way. To find a better way most certainly begins with shutting up and putting in the work.
Number 2: First, Make Yourself the Priority
What good are you to your family, job, let alone what good are you to yourself if you refuse to make yourself the top priority in your life? Seriously, think about this if you have any doubt in what I am saying: What good are you to anyone if you are broken, incapable, unable or to simply cannot provide?
That’s right, you are not good to anyone. Why prioritize yourself before others? Sure, it sounds selfish but isn’t it even more selfish to allow something to happen to you that could have been prevented all because you failed to make yourself the top priority?
Take care of yourself. Do not pay lip service to those words but actually do something about it (remember #1). Plan now for those days to take off to do a little R & R (rest and recuperation), set them in stone NOW. Do so this week, do not kid yourself by saying “I’ll do it next week.” Next week will never come and soon you will find yourself mired in misery, that special kind of self-imposed misery. This misery comes because you failed to make the time, now, to create an escape plan.
What is the escape plan? It is the plan you create now that you will put in place when the time comes to taking a long weekend, a short vacation, or whatever you feel will be enough to release some of the steam that’s been building up in the pressure cooker of life.
Remember, you matter most to yourself, first. That is not selfish but a reality.
Number 3: No One Cares About What You Do. People Only Care about Themselves.
This is a reality too many people refuse to believe. I was one of those non-believers. Through whatever trauma I encountered in my early life that led me to be a “people pleaser”. It did not matter who the person was I was trying to please; I was always trying to win the approval of others by doing things that I “perceived” they wanted. These others ranged from close family members to complete strangers. For any number of reason and yet when all was said and done, they were not please and only demanded more and more from me and there I was giving it.
Then one day, as it happens for most people, I found myself in a hole that I dug myself into because I was “people pleasing” again. This time I said “enough is enough.” I had nothing to prove to any but to myself. Of course, those that wanted to see me come begging for approval or validation did not like that I stopped looking their way, as my well of self-imposed misery had finally run dry.
Of course, they made it known that they were not happy with me. While, at this point, it would have been quite easy to slip back to “people pleaser” mode, it was the realization that what others wanted was what they only wanted, that made me realize that they did not give a crap about me. They only cared about how and when I was feeding their ego, validating their existence and making them the center of attention. However, when it was my turn to share something with them or have my ego fed, I might as well have been pulling teeth, because it was not going to happen. See, acknowledging me would mean they were no longer the center of attention.
Since, realizing what I have allowed for far too long to continue, I now feel refreshed, I feel brand new, and most of all, I feel like what it feels likes when you dive in too deep, you run low on oxygen and just when you feel like you are about to run out of air, you finally swim to the top and take that deep breath. That’s what I feel like and when it becomes your turn, you too will know just what it feels like.
While I cannot say when your time will come to realize that people really do not care what you do and they are only in it for themselves. When you see that their only attachment to you is based on what kind of attention and validation you can give them then hopefully you are not in too deep. I can assure you that day will come and I wish that it comes to you sooner rather than later in life as it came to me.
That realization will sting. It will hurt. You will question yourself for taking such harsh action but in the end, isn’t your own well-being (mentally and physically) what matters most? As I have said before, if they don’t like it, well that’s on them for playing that role in my life.
Number 4: Learn to Say NO
When it comes to protecting yourself and making yourself the top priority the sooner you know and understand that you will need to, have to, and must learn to say NO will get you to where you want to be without any real hesitation, procrastination, or reservation.
Saying No, has always been a problem for me. Growing up I was conditioned to never say NO otherwise, what happened next was the kind of action that, in this day and age, would involve Child Protective Services making an unannounced house call, well, that was then. Sure, people do not like being told NO but life happens. Sadly, when tables turn and those that said NO to you (in the past) now are being told NO, well you would think the world has come to an end for them. You know the type of person I am talking about here. We ALL have them in our lives and they most certainly know who they are.
However, saying NO should never be considered as a “tit-for-tat” situation. Remember, only children and individuals with a childish mentality play the “tit-for-tat” games. I remember one such “tit-for-tat” game that someone played with me. I was 17 and the other child was 34 (thirty-four). The other child told me in no uncertain terms and conditions, “Because you don’t like my boyfriend, I don’t like your girlfriend.” Seriously, what a completely childish game of “tit-for-tat”. There have been others before and after but for some reason this one stands out as the most childish of all.
So, when it comes to saying NO, of course you can pick and choose but why would you want to?
Being consistent with everyone shows that not only are you serious but you are not playing favorites and that everyone is also on the same sheet of music when to comes to you. Remember, only those that have issues with you branching out on your own are the ones that are going to have the “hurt” feelings all because you exercise your right to say NO.
These are your standards and boundaries to make and if they don’t like it, well that’s on them.
Number 5: If they don’t like it, that’s on them.
Nowhere is it written that people have to like you or like what you do. Nowhere is it written that you also have to like them or what they do. So, stop falling for that trap. It is not bad manners nor is it bad behavior to not like someone or something they did, said, failed to say or failed to do. It is self-respect when you decide what others like or do not like about you is no longer going to affect you.
Then again, never forget: it is none of your business what they think of you or what you do.
It becomes a great benefit to both mind and body when you turn off the unneeded & unnecessary stress, at the root, is that you are no longer waiting for the acceptance and validation of others, that may or may never come.
Another thing to remember: You cannot change them, so don’t even think you can try. If you do, you will be right back to where you started and nothing good ever comes from trying to go backwards.
They don’t like you or what you are doing or who you are doing it with, well again, that’s on them.
Hey! Look over here!
Ready or not it is 2023 and by putting yourself in the right frame of mind and mindset you will be ready to accept the changes you want to make in 2023. Your ability to continually and consistently drive change in your life will be the force behind the success you achieve in the present and in the future. Of course, along the way you have to remember when it comes to achieving any kind of progress or success, it takes both mind and body to get your there. Act intentionally when it comes to putting yourself first and recognize that the word NO is also a complete sentence, whether they like it or not.
Happy New Year!
-Dave