Welcome to Session 3 of the Primary Leadership Development.
Section 3 – Communication – Verbal, Non-Verbal, Listening, & Feedback
In this session we are going to focus on Effective verbal and non-verbal communication, Active listening, and feedback. Each of these topics is critical towards becoming an effective leader of people. This is important in that people want to be heard, understood and to understand others.
Anyone that fails to delivering on what people want especially when it comes to effective communication is someone that is not ready to lead.
I should clarify, someone who is not ready to lead at this time. Effective communication can be learned, applied, and fine-tuned. All it takes is you stepping up to do your part in learning how to communicate and listen and provide that much needed feedback.
Thus, when it comes to Effective verbal communication
There are few things to know. No one is a perfect orator. There are many good and great orators but everyone needs work, everyone needs to improve.
However, do not let that for one moment let that bring you down as everyone has always been a novice or beginner. Remember, it is what you do that makes all the different. When it comes to verbal communication here are a few types that exist:
Intrapersonal Communication: This would the kind of communication you have with your supervisor about personal matters. Words exchanged with your spouse or partner or close friend. Basically, intrapersonal communication is not for public consumption.
Interpersonal Communication:
In this form of communication that can take place between two individuals and is thus a one-on-one conversation such as business phone call. Semi-private or the kind of conversation that if overheard will not ruin relationships or trust.
Small Group Communication: Classroom setting. Training a department on the latest accounting software, etc.
Public Communication:
Picture yourself on a stage delivering a TEDx talk. You are hosting a podcast and everyone is listening.
You get the idea; it is all about you opening your mouth and sharing your words.
Effective non-verbal communication.
There are several examples such as: Appearance, Body Language, Eye Contact, Facial Expressions, Gestures, Head Movements, Artifacts (objects and images).
Appearance – How you appear and present yourself says a lot about you and it helps in delivering the message you have and are passionate about.
Body Language – while the clothes may make the man or so they say. I truly believe that your body language has a lot to do with how you project yourself. Seriously, stand in front of someone with your arms crossed and instantly you are conveying the image that you are on the defense or wanting to hide something. Put on a smile and stand with your two feet pointing direction at someone and you are instantly engaged.
Eye Contact – when it is to making eye contact that can be a little tricky as there are some societies and cultures where looking one in the eye can be taken as an offensive gesture. Then there is looking one in the eye is a form of respect and community. So be careful when making eye contact with others. However, it does not hurt to try.
Facial Expressions & Head movements – the same as eye contact applies to facial expressions. If you can keep a blank face or throw a smile then all the better. But when you sneer, or show disgust then that is not so good. Tilting your head may mean you are grasping with the other individual is saying, but it can also mean why is this person talking to me in Mandarin Chinese when all I know is English. The U.S. English not the U.K. English.
Gestures – Careful with gestures, especially hand gestures. They can easily be misconstrued just like the peace sign with the palm side means one thing but palm side facing you are you finding yourself in the U.K. well better be on guard.
Artifacts (objects and images) – The use of objects and image will play a huge impact in the message you are trying to convey. However, not all impacts will be good. So, pick your artifacts wisely.
Now let’s shift the focus from giving to receiving.
First, Active listening.
On the Indeed dot com website (link below) Active listening is defined as “the ability to focus completely on a speaker, understand their message, comprehend the information, and respond thoughtfully. Unlike passive listening, which is the act of hearing a speaker without retaining their message, this highly valued interpersonal communication skill ensures you can engage and later recall specific details without needing information repeated.”
Some of these skills are:
Asking open-ended but deeper questions to get additional clarification on what you understand this ensures you onboard with what is being shared with you.
Display empathy. This ensures that one you are not sympathizing but that are attached and engaged to the predicament or dilemma of the presenter.
This can segue into sharing similar experiences. However, proceed with caution as to not take over the conversation. Especially when the presenter has suffered through a traumatic experience such as losing their home in a tornado and then you reply oh yes, I once built a tree fort and it got knocked down during a thunderstorm. Homes and Tree forts are NOT the same thing. So, be careful.
Smile and maintain eye contact. Nothing show dis-interest more than not physically paying attention to what is being presented. The same goes for avoid distracting movements. If you cannot help yourself then it may be best to move the conversation to a different location or for a different time.
As mentioned, when it comes to active listening you must be 100% present, in the moment, and this is non-negotiable.
Practice all your active listening skills, always. The more you practice the better you get.
Now let’s move on to a harsh reality.
Let’s talk about feedback. The harsh reality is two-fold but all sides agree on one thing when it comes to feedback.
Feedback is something everyone needs.
That is about all they agree on because the two sides are simple.
When it comes to feedback one is never prepared to hear it.
They would rather get offended than to understand that they are being given a gift. Yes, feedback is a gift.
The other side is that people do not give feedback. They do not want to be bothered or worse, they do not want to look like the bad guy because the other person does not know how to accept feedback.
I truly feel that feedback always positive never negative. Yes, even the malicious negative feedback. You know the kind of feedback that the jealous people will dish out solely to make you feel bad, belittle you, or what narcissistic reason those individuals have.
Why is negative feedback good because
One: something is better than nothing.
Two: you can dissect what is being said and find the gems. They are in there.
However, be careful not to dwell on the negative. Dwell on the fact that you were heard and even understood. Understood enough to solicit a response.
I can say the same thing about positive feedback.
Something is better than no feedback and yes you can dissect what is being said.
A word or two about no feedback.
Oh yes, that silence can be deafening but it should never stop you from continuing with your passion.
If it matters to you then it matters enough to continue doing what you are doing.
Eventually, the feedback will start rolling in. Be sure to also learn from the feedback you get. However, continue to improve when no feedback is coming in
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HOMEWORK
(click here to download Session 3 Homework Worksheet in PDF)
For Section 3, your homework assignment is to, in writing, create a list of at least five verbal and non-verbal communication skills you find are not your best. Then put a dash next to each one. After the dash put down at least one action or activity you can work on right now to begin improving those five skills.
LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS SESSION:
Indeed’s “11 Active Listening Skills To Practice (With Examples)” article
https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/active-listening-skills